pressurised.......

u live in this world, and it is a fate that u must have the ability to cope with pressure. there is pressure everywhere.......pressure from family, school, friends, homework and yourself.....

i live in a high pressured world.i have weird friends( not all la of coz), weird family(sometimes), weird me giving pressure to me anytime, everywhere......i am glad to have a big body to withstand the pressure......at least won't be crumpled to pieces like a piece of cake......

friends, some of them always think toooooooooo much and do all unreasonable things.... u think of them, sometimes u feel sorry for somewhat like abandoning them, but u have your reasons ... they have a large fight with you, they say things to you.... makes u feel unworthy.... then comes the sorry part......... it hurts most......

family, they have expectations......if it is not your interest and u are doing that activity, 80% sure bcoz of my parents arr, want me to join this join that..... they want you to do what they want.... and i don't like to talk about it anymore.....

homework....... it is the fight between friends, family, and you......you want to work hard, your family wants good results, your friends wants to be better than your marks......you stop working hard and your friends will chase your marks, your family can't see the effort there and will go after you, nagging you to study....this all leads to pressure......

i am pressurised...........
not because of homework....
not because of friends.....
not because of family...

ITS BECAUSE OF ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~me.............
myself..............

泪，和一堆心碎

雨帘中，你瘦长的背影若隐若现。曾几何时，你我在同样的地点，共同走过这铺满泥的道路，尝尽雨水中的甜、酸、苦、辣。悲伤，在快乐的背后出其不意的袭击了我们。但快乐的芽儿，在悲伤的倾盆大雨后，从土地里探出头来。苦，也是在这个过程中，开花、枯萎、开花、枯萎...... 消瘦的脸蛋，在雨中，苍白不已。“你病了吗？别淋雨了，都是我不好。”那若隐若现的背影，消失不见了。
可恶的手机，竟敢坏了。我在等着重要的信息呢。一点四十八分，震动分子，震动了耳膜，把讯息传到大脑，手反射性的拿起了那部通讯工具。 “你认为迟回我的信息很好玩吗？让一个人等待是一个好玩的游戏是吗？我没有那么多时间来让你这样被你耍！！！！” “对不起，我的手机坏了，信息迟发进来了。原谅我好吗？” 接着就神经质的每十秒望一下那个非生物，生怕错过了什么。
“既然你的手机不欢迎我发的简讯，那这就是发给它的最后一封简讯了。再见。”再打过去，已经是关机了。眼睛流出的是泪，血管里流着的，是心碎。
为什么？
为什么？
为什么？

为什么？
为什么？
为什么？
不知道为了什么。。。。直到看到了你苍白的脸，发黄的双眼，失去了光泽的发丝，我才知道。。。你真的没有时间可以等了。。。。。

朋友，我能为你做什么？现在的我，什么都没有了。

只有泪，和一堆心碎。。。。。。。。

感触

看了好友的部落格，有许许多多的感触。跟她相比我真得过的不怎么样，甚至觉得自己有点失败。跟她应该不能说是同类型的人，不过有相似的经历吧。自己在上了中学后努力指数节节下跌。也没有那股冲劲去把它找回来。除了苟且偷生。。。。没别的了吧。。。一句名言是这样的，人不该只看过去，要向前看。。。但。。。。

真的不该拿自己来和她比较， 但是又觉得自己和她非常相似。为什么会成为他的好朋友，也是因为觉得她和自己的遭遇相同，互相怜悯之后互相扶持，也就成了好友。两人都优秀， 只是一个已经败在压力之中了。我得曾经，都只是昙花一现。她的一切，开花前还在悠悠飘香。现在的我还在原地踏步，想在这一切中理一点头绪出来。自己想要什么还没弄清楚，有没有人能告诉我？

感情生活，我应该可以说是无吧。。。哈哈。。。跟她比起来就是很大分别了，哈哈。。。我的记录上可以说是干净得一个指纹也没有哦，她的已经渡过无数风风雨雨了。哈哈。。。。祝福她咯。。。

我自己也是很有野心，想闯出自己的天地。有“反清复明”的想法。我要什么，我只能继续探索。现在的空虚，是缺乏感情？成就？满足？这一切都得靠自己争取，把握一切得到的机会。我努力的开始，得有人支持我吧？

洁瑜， 你的精神回来了吗？能再次让自己得到满足，得回曾经的辉煌吗？这一次，我不想再经历那尴尬的场面。我不想大家在误以为我是哪里闯出来的无礼家伙。我不想大家都不承认我辛苦努力的成果。没有人会记得我。。。。

洁瑜：“辛苦你了，洁瑜。”

对付自己生气时的魔鬼

我很常生气。为什么要生气？因为我弄别人生气。别人为什么要生气？因为他们关心我。不然就是他们小器。再不然就是他们野蛮，不听我说。除此之外我也不知道他们为什么要生气了， 除非他们注定是要生气生个不停的。那种叫无理取闹。

有时都不知道自己该不该生气。是不值得生气的也要去生气。人生苦短啊。。。。。

如何对付那讨厌的魔鬼？

1。深呼吸，张开嘴巴，大口咬自己。。。。
2。重复以上步骤，只是把自己换成口香糖。（小心等下又咬到自己）
3。重复以上步骤，不要把嘴巴关起来，把声音放出来。
4。重复步骤三，加些眼泪不停地流会更痛快。。。。
5。这些步骤都能一次过做完，所以会很累，很痛，很伤。。。。去睡觉吧。。。。

people... unsatisfied... problems....

yes, people are unsatisfied. why? because they have ever growing desires. i have to wonder, why do they have all these desires? do they even DESERVE it? sometimes yes, sometimes no. it always occurs in my life. people desire the things they shoudn't be thinking of it. it troubles the people around you just because they need time to think:"hmm.... should i grant her wish? is it good to her or bad to her?" you cause trouble, and you know exactly you WILL cause trouble. you knew that, but you put ur desire infront of your needs. you became a person that lives on the second floor without the first floor and the ground floor. because you are selfish. people, sometimes it is not wrong to desire. but think with your brains, u have brains. there is a thing called IQ in your brain. use it to solve problems, not to create problems. and when you havent manage your needs, don't think about something you don't need in the future or present. it is ur unsatisfactory that leads you to the problems you create. people don't like you but they don't tell. it leads to TONS of problems..........
whenever you want to say something you want, T-H-I-N-K about it before saying stupid things from your mouth. don't ever let people get the chance top be scared of you. people sometimes don't trust you anymore even sometimes it is just a small matter.
as for me, i tell you because i am the stupid person who done all of these once upon a time. i tell you as a friend. let yourself live with dignity and not with any sorriness ......
bad memories.....

曾经......

曾经，我得过新加坡中学的奖学金，
曾经，我得过全国弟子规写作比赛的季军，
曾经，我是班上的前五名，
曾经，我是个多才多艺的学生......

那都是曾经，已不复回的曾经。现在，处于人多事杂的环境内，从前的风光......不复存在。
是我自己堕落吗？是我自己不懂的将之发扬光大吗？还是我以沉沦在人情世故中，迷失自我。。。
到底，我是怎么了？我成了多怨的人吗？我不是怀才不遇，只是我没能好好珍惜我的才华，已将之白白倒入时间的大河中，任由里面的鱼儿撕扯吞噬.......

你得到了你所要的，不是吗？

现在已经证明我没有抢走你的粉丝，没有抢走大家对你的注意，你开心了吗？
我没有朋友，围着你的人是那么得多，你还是很受大家欢迎啊。
做了一天的闷葫芦，让大家对我没兴趣，换来使自己的难过。
我没有必要为你忍气吞声，你也没有必要去管我！
你继续爱你的虚荣吧，你这现实可恶的人。
我不再快乐，我封闭我自己。
只因为自私的——
你。。。。。。

quarreling... is it a best way to solve problems?

i quarrelled with someone.... still angry.....coz she wanted to change school on some ridiculous reason.... and it is trial now, and i feel bad..... scolded her 4 being so irritating......just finish the exam first onli talk about things like that, ok? and i am not ok now bcoz she ruined my peace and calm mind.....
she told me she wasnt getting the attention she used to get last times.... I was the one who took all her spotlights away?!?! no i didn't.... i am just doing my part as a student, don't want to get into any trouble and treating everyone fair...... and i dun get the chance to be exposed into public much as i am not the "school flower" nor "school grass".... i dun have very strong exercise muscles that make me a famous sports athlete..... i am also not like my teammate-- miss wy choy who is good at speaking...... i dont have the extraordinary brains, look and popularity, what makes me steal her spotlights away? -_- lll
on the way we quarrelled..... at last, i said: "enough 4 your ridiculous reasons.... u are not a good friend at all.....no, i am not a good friend because i became the reason u wanted to change school.... the responsibility is on me right? fine, u go......"
there it ends our conversation.....
am i mean?
am i wrong?
have i done something to hurt her?
or didn't i listen to her?

it takes time to find out.......oh dear.......

flag....wuwuwu....

sorry to my teamates.... i am so sorry........ i promise i will try my best next year........i will do my best........ for my team, st john, and amc.............. love ya, st john....

stuck in the lift...

i never thought i was going to be stuck in a lift ever....
this shocked me and although it was not a fearful 1 but it leaves memories.....
bad bad bad memories.....
just when i am going to the groud floor to meet my dad,my sis and i got stuck on the very ground floor.... the door just won't open no matter how many times i press the open button... ya, when u are in a lift u won't press any buttons to get out, but when the door just won't open u'd try anything to get out of that stuffy cold box, right? i remembered the book which said the girl who can't get out of the lift pressed the bell button untill her finger nails break still dun have anyone come and save her.....i dunno whether i shud press the bell button until my fingernails break or just wait 4 the lift to be repaired .... then i see my sister's finger move towards the buttons.....
and she pressed the 1st floor button.... then the lift moved up....amithaba, the door opened....
we stepped out of the lift and took the stairs down....
hmm... i wonder what happens if i press the bell button.....

people, its worth it.....

during the canteen day, we all worked like mad, really worked like mad......but everything went wrong at times....things are messy, customers are waiting, the ice was melting and the whole floor was wet.... i didn't get to buy my yougurt drinks, never got to play games.....BUT i did my job....actually i am real sorry to leave my friends to do up the cleaning job but my mum came... so sorry guys...what have we sold on canteen day?

MAIN ATTRACTIONS:
1.smoothies...( i highly recommend this, it was the most delicious drink i ever tasted...ice cream with coookies and milk and whipped cream and ice and sugar rice and chocolate syrup.....yum.....i can say it sold a whole lot too.....)
2.ice-cream floats( it was carbonated drinks with a scoop of vanilla ice-cream on it....i liked the rootbeer most...... it used up all of our vanilla ice cream so we too use the flavour with berries in it.... it tasted just nice....)
3. ice-cream( ya, who doesn't like ice-cream?)
4. nestle yougurt drinks( we sold the whole truck of it and profited about 800 ringgit from it...we could have earned more if we didn't cut the price at the end..hmm.... anyway it was satisfiying)
5.coffee( i believed the coffee attracted many people to try it... it smells good even i am not a coffee person...)
6. chocolate dip(guys, the chocolate was nice... no other comments....xp)

how can i ever forget the things we argued during preparation for the canteen day....we thought of all types of crazy things to sell, we fight over the things we think is sellable, we find sponsors, we calculate budgets.... even though decorations were done by part of the people, but the whole class was involved in cutting, pasting, colouring.... you can see the picture of unity shine infront of you....it was touching, people's power, unity, stand together and never fall........
my class 3p8 got second in the most profit sales..... the first was 3p7..... i knew 3p7 was always famous of their unity, they work and share together, they were efficient, etc, etc.....but as you can see your class grow, your class achieve goals together, it fills your eyes ith tears.... we maybe isnt as close as 3p7 does, but we are working towards it....3p8 works towards it's way....
canteen day, it fills my heart with turmoil of feelings.... i love 3p8 forever.....

傍晚的太阳， 沉下去了。。。。

妈妈在我半睡半醒之际，把我叫醒。。。。说是要让我看最美的太阳。被她拖着出去， 就看到了一颗粉红又带鲜橙色的大圆球。啊，是太阳！她是完美的，没有一片云正遮盖着她。他的艳丽，他的壮观，尽收入眼帘。当整个人正愣着，他缓缓地沉入山峦后，一点一点地被山城怡保淹没。。。她是多么的美，多么的亮眼， 但他下山时，却是毫不留情的， 没有一点眷恋的沉下去。。。我看着她， 那过程似乎缓慢，却也发生的极快， 让人傻眼，又让人着迷。。。
那是个好深的感触。。。短短的两分钟内，太阳消失在我眼前。人，也会像太阳，在短短的时间内，在我心中离去吗？感情的脆弱，是否加快了花儿枯死的时间？红颜薄命， 就是命运为他们定下的祸根？
再不好好珍惜，可能连太阳也没得看了。。。。

what a hard day......

people.... have you ever think of hurting your friends is a small matter?suicidal problems, starving yourselves, cutting yourselves with knifes and blades?is it fair to the friends who care? is it fair to them who worried so much about you people?my friends..... i am a human, eventhough i sometimes can do the extraordinary things you guys cant, maybe i can speak your mind, i can influence you...... but i am not God.... i cant take it if you go screaming you want to die, i cant help you if u r stubborn and dun want to take your meals, i am not mum to all...........i care, but i am not multitasked.....i have not been taking the world's most influential human prize as i cant solve all your problems....all i can do is stop u guys from doing something stupid and heartbreaking....and if you don't listen, i still have to think of something to stop you too.... i am not as badhearted as someone, i cant take the risk... every live is precious, every live is not supposed to be crumpled by you like this.....

i am silly......i am insane......