snapped...

it was a turmoil of feelings since a week before pmr... i felt restless and angry and furious and uncomfortable during these long days... eventhough i looked cheerful and cheesy all the way, facing everyone i met, i still incur in a war between myself. i know that maybe i am over-sensitive for the moment but i still can't help to stop thinking of every detail said to me and how it hurt my feelings etc...i realised that if i talk to someone they might just laugh over and say:" don't think that much" and it doesn't help at all... i feel frightened for myself... helpless standing infront of the rushing bus, waiting for it to roll over me, without a thought of thinking to runaway from the spot.i keep things to myself, i talk to myself.... nothing seems normal that time... sometimes its hard to be friends which are way too unsensitive...have to say that i don't like to befriend an extremely sensitive person and i don't want to part of the group too, but sometimes i still get angry with those people who doesn't think about what others are thinking. they maybe just treat u as anyone else and think you could never be different or feel blue anytime. but it takes just 2 minutes for me to wake up and tell myself that i shouldnt blame them as they are my most supportive friends, i will forgive them evenwhen they make terrible mistakes. i can take it as i don't want to lose them. there goes my emotions, locked up safe and sound in my deep heart's core....
here comes the problem... whenever people don't treat me as the same way they do, i feel pushed away...it is the most unacceptable feeling in my life as i can't live in a silent environment all day long...i longed for the care at certain times when i feel empty, but i can't show it out, feeling that maybe no one cares...i weep once 4 that feeling to spill out and being washed away with icy cold 2 am water...
right now i am writing all these history, i feel like 4 that time i might have snapped if i blurt it out, you know, high pressured gasses have very strong energy release... better if it was let go some by some...it melts away...
i haven't snap, and i wont in the future... for the bright is always shining in the front of me, guiding me to hold upon tolerance and perseverance...

jie yu, do you know that you've done a great job on self control?
you certainly deserves a treat...haha.....