new zealand n .....

new zealand.a word that makes people feel happy and also burdened.i understand that all success needs a hard process..but i feel extremely exhausted. luckily that i don't have much homework.hope i can strive through the next week.
today at school have marching.feel a bit depressed that i can't even make a simple command beautifully.and i keep making mistakes and shaking like mad in my voice. eventhough that not many ppl can hear it bt i know it myself.and i feel that my marching is getting worse...
something even worse happened and i really feel no mood after that.and i secretly have a plan going on, racing against time to plan it quick, for the sake of my bach, the bach filled with unknown future and unsecureness...
after meeting was a baju trying going on... once more felt pressured and depressed with the no-hope-of-finding-anymore-clothes-for-me feeling...wanted to cry but managed to keep it down, for its is still a long journey to go and i must be brave to fight against all odds.everyone says i am a lucky girl to go to nz and i am definitely not going to let all these people down.but i was still negativer thinking that i am sometimes somehow isolated....and i at last understood the meaning of "don't give yourself a chance to be abandoned."ok, even if everyone forget me i will try my best to shine.4 u to see haha...
the next thing in my mind is trying to form this board of meeting...duno how to start it yet but scared to make the wrong moves and make the pack of cards collapse...people before us had stacked it up nice and sturdy but a harsh move of us will damaged the whole monument...argh...i am not very positive about the meeting itself too actually... i know them too well...they only want what they want...what if no one supported me like last time? what if people say things about me?
what if they suddenly group themselves again?i really don't dare to think for i am to chicken.but i am NOT chicken...so what can i do?do all of you just threw away the thoughts and just straight away go do it? 4 1 thing i am sure about, WE DON'T GEL......so what can i do?give me some tips or lead me towards the right path, won't you?