i don't want to grow up...

there's a lump in my heart that i don't know how to express it out loud.

i am afraid of growing up...i don't want to be an adult...there is too much responsibilities waiting for me in the future.i don't know how to handle it and i am afraid i will make a mess out of it...i don't want to grow up...

there is a sorrow feeling that occured after everything i dreamed of comes to me.there wasnt the beautiful feeling that will come to me but fear that conquered me.... i don't want to grow up.i can't handle politics.i hate to do something that is fake but it needs to be done without me willing to do it.i don't want to smile to someone whom i really don't think he/she deserves a smile from me.i want a real face, no double masks hiding , shading from the light of truth.

there is fear in humans..fear of all truths..when there is a mistake and that is a truth, they can't take it.they accuse people of suspecting their abilities and so on.the world is not in peace.there is no trust between humans anymore.everyone fight like mad for power, fame, status and fonds...

i don't want to go in the world yet.maybe there is a place of peace, warmth and generosity yet there is still reality of faces with evil grins and sharp thinking racing all over the clock to beat down the best among the best.

the world is complicated.when i grow up, i will meet the whole of it, face to face.am i able to change it? am i going to strive in this evil force?

politics
friends
status
fame
luxury
academics
co curricular
self improvement

i am tired....